Locked Inside Read online

  I was quick to blink my answer.

  She was right. The clothes they chose for me were butt ugly. The flannel shirts weren’t as bad as the elastic polyester pants that I was sure came from the mature women’s clothing stores. My grandmother didn’t even wear these awful pants. They always came in super ugly colors like pastel blue or yellow. I would have preferred sweat pants. Maybe she would suggest that to Fran and I’d get a new wardrobe.

  Fran frowned. “You know, you’re right. Those are really ugly. I think it’s time for a shopping spree along with seeing the Christmas lights. I have no idea what my mom was thinking. It’s not like she’s a fashion don’t model. Hey, Bels, are you up for some new duds?”

  “Fashion don’t?” Carly asked.

  “Yeah, like in the Glamour magazines. They always show you what is and is not acceptable fashion.”

  “Yeah, um, never got around to reading those.” Carly chuckled.

  I was so happy to be getting out and now, I might get new clothes, too. It was turning out to be one of the best days of my life. I blinked once to let them know I was happy for the additional side trip we would take.

  When Carly pulled down my granny pants, I saw Fran focus on my catheter. I could tell she was uncomfortable as she looked away. I suspected Carly caught her look, but she just kept removing my pants and replacing them with her soft, warm sweats. The final item she placed on my body was a pair of warm wool socks. They were thicker than any socks I’d ever worn and didn’t have that scratchy feeling that most wool products had. I later learned that Carly was a connoisseur of all things wool and should have had stock in the company called Ibex. All of her socks were either Ibex or Smartwool—both on the upper end of the cost spectrum.

  “We can put the down jacket, fleece, and wool blankets on right before we roll you out,” Carly said to me.

  “I’ll get a wheel chair,” Fran said as she danced out of the room.

  As Carly sat down and brushed my hair aside, her hand lingered on my cheek as she caressed it. “Your sister is cool. I’m glad she suggested this little road trip because I could use a little cheering up. I know she filled you in. Jacob is a little weasel and I know he couldn’t care less about our break up. I’m more convinced than ever that I’m his cover. The Facebook posts are pretty brutal. I can’t wait to finish high school and head off to college. After we prove you’re capable of getting your diploma, we’re going to work on a plan to get you into college. I’m sure your sister will help us. I just need to get through the end of this year and then one more year. I’ll be the school pariah for a while until they find somebody else to gossip about. Maybe I’ll find more people like me, now that I’ve been outed. I know I can’t be the only gay person at the school.”

  It was awkward, but I willed my arm to move and somehow managed to touch Carly’s shoulder.

  Carly’s eyes got wide as she recognized my gesture for how I intended it. I wanted to show her comfort and love. She leaned in closer and I was sure she was about to kiss me, but then, at the last moment, she shook her head. Two seconds later, Fran returned pushing an empty wheelchair.

  Fran arched her eyebrow and I realized how close Carly was sitting. Carly jumped up quickly and blushed. “Belinda just moved her arm enough to touch my shoulder. It’s the most dramatic movement I’ve seen in the three months I’ve been visiting,” she blurted out.

  “That’s my sister,” Fran proudly proclaimed. “She’s as stubborn as a mule, but in a good way. Whatever she puts her mind to, I know she can accomplish.” She looked at me. “You are going to get better and we’re going to be here for you every step of the way. I know I’m at college now, but I’ll visit as much as I can, I promise.”

  †

  Bellingham, Washington is one of the most popular cities in America to retire. Fortunately for me, living in a retirement community with a good hospital and excellent long term care facilities made providing for my care relatively easy—or at least within close proximity to my home.

  Bellingham is a beautiful city with the Puget Sound spooning one part of the city and Mt. Baker looming large in the background. It is not only a boater’s paradise, but a skier’s wet dream.

  That day was one of those rare winter days where the sun was shining, creating the deception that it would be warm out, but instead the frosty air hit my face in a quick, wintry blast. I didn’t care because I felt alive the minute my body met the chilly temperature outside. The air felt clean. It was a real change from the stale air in my room.

  I looked up at the mountains that I had loved as a kid. Of course, a liberal amount of snow blanketed Mt. Baker. I was sure the snowboarders were happy. At one time, I would have been one of those boarders happy with the robust snowfall. We were a family of skiers and boarders, and my parents had us strapped into skis or boards by the time we turned six. Fran preferred skis, while Evie and I shared a love for snowboarding.

  The Mt. Baker Ski resort was renowned for the incredible amount of snowfall each year. In the 1998, ‘99 season, the mountain held the world record for the most amount of snow in a year with a reported ninety-five feet at the base.

  It was still relatively early, so after they transferred me to Fran’s car, strapped me in, and tucked the warm blankets all around me, we headed to the Holiday Festival of the Arts. Nearly one hundred artisans and craftspeople shared their handmade art at the festival. Western Washington University added to the eclectic nature of the city and artists from across the United States gravitated to Bellingham and eventually made it their home.

  A delightful smell invaded my nostrils and with Carly’s expert navigation, we found ourselves in the center of multiple specialty food booths.

  “Yum, squid salad. You have to try this, Belinda.”

  She didn’t ask a yes or no question to determine if I wanted to try something new. If I’d been able to speak, I would have shouted, ew, and turned up my nose. I know she saw the face I tried to give her, but that didn’t deter her from holding up a forkful of the strange concoction.

  At first, I wasn’t sure if I would upchuck her food selection, but the chewy tentacles seemed to melt into my mouth and I felt the corners of my mouth turn upward in appreciation of the delicacy.

  “Do you like it?” Carly asked.

  I blinked once to let her know she’d done well.

  One of the booths was serving freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Fran snagged three cookies, handing two to Carly who promptly fed me small bites of the sweet treat.

  “Oh, my God, this is orgasmic,” Fran proclaimed.

  Carly leaned in and whispered into my ear. “That means really good. It’s something that happens during sex. I’ll explain it to you later.”

  You have to remember that when I went into my coma I was ten years old. I had a very rudimentary knowledge of sex, but I definitely did not understand the intricacies. I was anxious to learn all about it because I was curious what all the fuss was about.

  Carly placed her hand on my shoulder and I heard her mutter a swear word. “Shit.”

  I looked up into the scowling face of Tammie, who was with a GQ-looking boy. He had his arm draped possessively around her shoulder, but didn’t appear to be enjoying himself. He had a faraway, bored look on his face.

  “Well, if it isn’t the dyke and her retard girlfriend,” Tammie snarled.

  Before Tammie could say anything else, Fran slapped Tammie’s face—hard.

  “If you ever say anything remotely derogatory again about my little sister or Carly, I’m gonna punch your mouth so hard you’re gonna be shitting out those perfectly aligned teeth your mother paid good money for,” Fran threatened.

  “Are you going to let this bitch threaten me, Jacob?” Tammie screeched.

  Jacob shrugged. “That was a little over the line, Tammie.”

  “Are you defending your ex-girlfriend and this misfit posse of hers?” Tammie stamped her foot and took a step forward.

  “I got no beef with Fran.” Jacob turne
d to Carly. “I’m sorry, Carly. I reacted badly to our break-up. I’ll remove the posts tonight.” Jacob held out his hand. “Friends?”

  “Sure, why not.” Carly shook his hand.

  “I gotta admit, that took balls, ovaries, whatever, for you to come clean. I just wish you would have told me earlier,” Jacob stated.

  “Yeah, sorry about that,” Carly responded. “Look, we gotta go. We have some shopping to do.”

  Tammie looked like she was about to blow a gasket and I could tell it was making Jacob uncomfortable, so he tugged on her sleeve and they left. I suspected that this wasn’t finished by a long shot. People like Tammie would not take humiliation lying down. There would be retaliation—I was sure of that.

  Carly smirked. “Yeah, I definitely want to be on your side in any kind of gang fight. Shitting teeth—I like it.”

  Fran grinned. “I heard that line in a movie once and I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to use it.”

  “Remind me never to piss you off. Well, I must admit that could have been worse, but at least Jacob was cool. I still think the guy is gay and someday, when he does have the balls to come out, that little olive branch he extended will come with a big set of strings attached. He’ll probably expect me to keep his little secret when he does exit his own personal wardrobe prison. I guess I don’t blame him for staying in the closet, but I’m glad he’s taking a more accepting stance. It will go a long way to making my life a bit more livable. He has mad connections and one word from him will help others fall in line.”

  “How were you ever best friends with that little bitch?” Fran asked.

  “It wasn’t so much that I gravitated to her. She started coming around when she heard that Jacob wanted to ask me out. Before Jacob made his interest known, we traveled in the same circles, but never really hung out that much together. At first, I think I might have had a little crush on her—purely physical. That’s the last time I’ll let a pretty face sway me. I didn’t realize, until it was too late, what a pernicious effect she had on me.” Carly chuckled. “That’s my word for the day—pernicious, which means having a harmful effect, particularly in a gradual or subtle way.”

  They continued to roll me along the different artisan booths when suddenly Carly stopped in front of a display of hemp clothing.

  “Hey, these are perfect—comfortable drawstring pants made from hemp. How cool is that? Definitely a step up from polyester granny pants. I say we get a bunch in different colors and styles. What do you think?” Carly asked.

  “Oh, yeah, these are definitely a fashion do versus a fashion don’t. Bels, what do you think? Would you like to wear these instead of those ridiculous elastic eyesores?” Fran inquired.

  I agreed with a single blink.

  “We could get some of the pullover shirts and maybe some tank tops, Henley shirts and other simple pullovers to round out her wardrobe,” Carly added.

  “Mom gave me her charge card. I’m sure she won’t mind a few purchases for Belinda. I hope we’ll get to celebrate this year as a family with everyone present.” Fran kissed my cheek. “Bels, this is gonna be the best Christmas ever.”

  I silently agreed with her assessment and Carly smiled at me. “Belinda, you and I are about the same size so I’ll try them on to make sure they fit. Is that okay with you?”

  I let her know it was fine. There was something very intimate about her putting on the clothes before I had a chance to wear them, even if they were planning to wash them. Just knowing her body brushed against the outfits before they put them on me, sent a warm feeling throughout my body.

  Carly stepped behind the makeshift dressing room and tried on the hemp clothing. She looked good in everything and I was sure I would not fill out the clothes in the same manner. I vowed that someday I would turn my body into something that wouldn’t disgust the casual observer.

  The booth with leather bracelets, necklaces, and silver charms caught Carly’s eye and she gestured for Fran to continue perusing the rest of the booths while she looked over the artist’s wares. “Go ahead, I’ll catch up.”

  It was getting late and I was starting to get hungry when Carly rushed up to us as we were reaching the end of the different booths. She was breathing heavy like she’d run all the way to catch up to us. She had a small bag in her hand, but refused to show us what she had.

  “I haven’t been to Colophon Café in ages. Do you remember, Bels?” Fran asked.

  I blinked once. I had fond memories of Colophon Café. They had great deli foods that were a bit on the unusual side. Apparently, they were still in business. I was eager to enjoy their food again.

  “Oh, yeah, great choice, Fran. I’m game. It’s been a while since I’ve been there, too,” Carly added.

  They packed me back into Fran’s car and we headed to the Fairhaven district in Bellingham to enjoy a casual dinner.

  †

  The blinking holiday lights overwhelmed the city with their festive outpouring of joy for everyone who took in their splendor. It was far better than I remembered from my childhood. I suppose a big part of the experience was related to the company I was blessed with that evening. They could have taken me to see a Charlie Brown Christmas tree and I would have been overjoyed with the experience. I adored them both for wanting to make my outing a memorable time. It was.

  Of course, the tree in the center of town was nothing close to the sad tree in the Charlie Brown Christmas special. It had to be more than twenty feet high and I wondered how they had managed to place the golden angel perched at the top. I stretched my neck as far as it would go to rest my eyes on the glorious centerpiece representing the town’s Christmas spirit. Although Fran had tucked my hands carefully under the blanket, Carly managed to sneak underneath the warm fleece and grab my hand as we listened to the carolers pay tribute to all the old traditional songs.

  Carly joined in when they began to sing, “Let it Snow”. She grinned at me, not at all embarrassed or reluctant to join in. That was definitely the essence of Carly. She never hesitated to join in on the fun. It didn’t matter to her what people thought of her. Sometimes, she would break into song and dance whenever the mood hit her. I liked hearing her sing to me, because that’s what I felt like she was doing—singing to me, not just exercising her vocal chords. It didn’t hurt that she had a beautiful singing voice that sent shivers down my spine when she graced me with a song.

  Fran stood off to the side smiling down at both of us and joining in on another contemporary song.

  I wished I could sing with them to let them hear my joy, but at this point, my voice would not cooperate enough to allow anything to escape—not even a single word. I would sing with them one day, but not today.

  The wind began to pick up and I noticed Carly zip her jacket all the way up. She was shivering in the cold. Fran glanced at Carly and her sad look told me all I needed to know—it was time for the day to end. They’d promised they would get me back before eight o’clock that evening. Carly’s mom warned them that I might get tired if they pushed it too far.

  I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that I wasn’t tired at all. The day was exhilarating for me. If either of them would have heard my thoughts, they might have likened it to a young child’s temper tantrum after hearing that it was bedtime.

  “We better head back. You promised Nurse Porter we would have Belinda back before eight,” Fran whispered.

  Carly just nodded, stood up, and kissed my cheek.

  I was starting to imagine her slipping and kissing my lips instead, but at this point, I didn’t completely understand my cravings. Fran’s warning danced a jig through my brain and my head started spinning from all the feelings Carly’s innocent affection elicited in me.

  “I think if we keep to our promise, they’ll let us plan more outings,” Fran added.

  Carly turned to me. “Belinda, I know that you probably aren’t ready to go back yet, but we promised and I’m not going to risk getting you grounded because we’re too selfish to
follow the rules. I promise we’re going to make sure we get to do this again—real soon.”

  Both Fran and Carly kept their word to Nurse Porter and I was back in my room before eight and snuggled in my bed by eight thirty.

  Carly headed out right after she changed my clothes and tucked me in. Once again, she kissed my cheek and I could swear she lingered just a second or two more in that close embrace that was becoming her ritual hello and goodbye.

  Fran stayed for another half an hour, but assured me she would be back soon. It was winter break for Carly and Fran, so I suspected I would probably get a visit soon from both of them and that made my heart soar with delight.

  Chapter Ten

  When the major portion of your day is spent either staring at the naked white walls or watching one after another of the inane daytime television shows crowding the airwaves, time crawls by at a frustratingly slow pace. To this day, I despise television. It’s a miracle that I didn’t go bat shit crazy during the time that I waited for my testing appointment.

  Fran and Carly’s visits helped break up the time and I suspected that both sets of parents put their foot down regarding the amount of time they allowed each of them to spend with me during their Christmas break. Although Mom and Dad’s visits were more frequent, Carly and Fran were just a lot more fun.

  I’d always been a reader, but because I couldn’t move my limbs very well yet, I couldn’t read anything on my own. The only bright spot to my eight hours of television was the exciting development of the first African American president in the history of the United States.

  A lot was riding on my appointment with the Neuroscience Institute, at the Virginia Mason Medical Center in Seattle, and I felt an immense pressure to prove myself. I didn’t want to let Carly down because she had unwavering faith in my ability to demonstrate my intelligence despite my overwhelming physical limitations.